Rise Above It and Persevere
This whole experience has been such an incredible roller coaster of a journey. I’ve battled against my ego to overcome my barriers in physicality, practicing patience with myself with where I’m at, and what I expect of myself.
For so long in my life I’ve found it difficult developing my physical vessel, I never really participated in many sports growing up and what I did try I would easily give up because I believed I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t have the discipline and perseverance to move through the hurdles.
Even now, old aspects of who I was linger in me, hovering around like a shadow. Telling me that it’s easier not to try; you don’t fail if you don’t attempt it right? Just rest, you don’t need to put in all this unnecessary effort! No one will care if you just take it easy don’t worry.
I fight this lower consciousness every morning, telling me to stay in bed because it’s easier to stay cozy and warm. Oh, what a battle this is! I’ve never really been a morning person through my life and find the illusion of time and having a foggy mind when first waking such a challenge. Sometimes this mind beats me, other times I rise above it and persevere.
I came here to learn discipline, to develop the power to overcome old aspects of myself, to embrace something new and to connect with my physical vessel. I’m beginning to feel this foster and grow within, showing me something I didn’t know about who I am. My body is changing; it’s getting stronger, more flexible and more capable! It excites me to see where this will lead, how this evolves and what becomes of me.
The Ba Bu is the most difficult and physically demanding form I’ve ever tried. There are moments when I feel its flow, feel the rest of existence melt away for just a split second and I’m lost again. It has shown me new aspects to martial arts and Kung Fu that I did not understand in the past; the complexity of movements, the intricacies in postures and stepping, the connection to the universe, to students and teachers from the past and the future. What an absolutely amazing gift this opportunity has been, to learn this form and add it to my life!
I will continue to grow here, I will foster what helps, releasing what no longer serves me and change as a being. My soul grows as I grow, my spirit is rising and coming forth with excitement (not without its challenges) as I come closer to who I am and my destiny.
I have so much love for those around me, the fellow students pushing through, the senior students supporting every step and Li Shifu for his patience, generosity and knowledge in assisting me to find the way.
Like The Wind That Flows Through The Branches Of The Trees
The third week has just about come to an end and with that comes also the end of the Ba Bu course. It has been an intense 3 weeks for me. More than anything a battle with the self, I can feel how my ego is trying to hold me back from progressing, but as the days go on I feel that my true self is slowly getting a grip on the situation.
I am faced with my dark sides as well as my bright sides, and as I get more in touch with my self, I feel how I am getting more in touch with my body. I can feel how the mind is linked to the body, with every morning qi gong I feel the energy flow through my body more and more, like the wind that flows through the branches of the trees in front of me. I am faced to accept how untouched on a deep sense I’ve been with the energy flow in my body, but with this I am given a chance to observe how I am slowly entering into my body every day a little more again, kind of like a child learning to walk 🙂
This past week has been spent trying to improve our skills at the Ba Bu form. I feel still far away from it, but I am starting to understand it, there is something special that happens when you manage to connect even just for a bit while you are walking those circles, the energy flows through the body and seems to move it itself.
I am very excited to have the chance to continue practicing this form, to understand it better and the energy that surrounds it. I can’t wait though, I am anxious to see what these next weeks have to bring.
