Hello Shifu (and brothers and sisters)!!
As requested, here are the highlights of what the experience in the temple and learning about Taoism has brought to my daily life.
Before I begin it’s important to state that it has taken me years to process some of the things I will share and realize of the depth of the teachings. Conscious or intellectual learning has a limit, it is only through experiencing life that you realize the value and depth of the teachings, otherwise it remains as pure theory that can be beautifully quoted, posted and shared in many ways, but not truly inspire others. In other words, if what you have learned you don’t integrate to your own life then you are a source of quotes and information, not a source of true inspiration…And to me that is key. I have also learned this becoming a teacher myself…Teaching has brought new light to Taoist and Shifu’s teachings each and every time I share.
It has been important for me to understand that the Western mind usually needs: 1) a dose of intellectual and theoretical foundation, 2) proper communication skills, 3) a coherent mindset, to build trust, so that those that are opening to the teachings open as well to the experience of them and not just the information. Finding balance between just offering an experience or offering more context about where the practice comes from, what it does, the TCM foundation and so on, has been a challenge but I have found my way in this sense by testing different teaching formats over 4 years.
At the beginning, when I started teaching, I was very focused on keeping the Temple’s ways: little info, more practice, and focusing on the very basics, but over time I realized that the average western mind needs something different. It is not the same to go all the way to China to study and practice in a temple, than to go to a class or a workshop here in the west. Those in the temple are looking for what they find in the temple (or not! many of the students are actually surprised and challenged once they are there), they travelled to the other side of the world making a huge effort saving to pay for it and so on…But what an average person is looking for when attending a Tai Chi or Qi Gong class, or a Taoist medicine workshop, is very different…and here the challenge of communicating Taoism and its practical application arises, and it is a great learning process.
At some point I questioned myself…What is more important? To follow the ways or to allow the teaching to find its way to the student’s heart through the experience? What is the deepest purpose of the teaching? Just as an example, a person that comes to a regular weekly class is looking for/needs relaxation, peace of mind, health…so would it make sense to make the class bitter for them to taste bitterness (most have enough bitterness here in society) or to wrap it in a way that is strong and structured enough for them to taste discipline but also experience the beauty within themselves, and the spiritual depth of Tai Chi in the first class, inspiring them to come to the next one and to embrace Tai Chi and its gifts as a daily practice? Understanding this is key! Otherwise you may end up with one student or none and then not only the dissemination of Taoism is pretty much over but you are also broke as a teacher…
Just as Shifu says: he teaches at different levels depending on the audience, and the same must be done here, it is necessary to create different spaces and develop different formats for those open to learn at diverse levels to have the chance. Acknowledging the diversity of circumstances and mindsets is of utter importance otherwise Taoism as a culture/philosophy/life style remains a possibility only for those that have the chance to travel to China, or those that speak Chinese or English (most of the materials about Taoism available are in Chinese or English, and the experience of the temple is also open only for those that speak Chinese or English), and practically the rest of the world is left out, which is simply sad…
Our ways and our beliefs as humans and teachers must be challenged, and we must be open to share what can be shared at different times to the audience available in front of us. I teach tourists at hotels for example…I cannot explain anything to them during a 1 hour class, I barely offer a ~15-words introduction (sometimes not even that) and we go straight to the practice…But it is amazing what they experience…and to me just knowing that their minds are challenged, that they experience the peace, clarity and limitlessness of their Spirit is a gift already. That experience goes beyond what can be explained. However, I also teach in more thorough formats as I believe is highly valuable as well.
As a note, since I came back from the temple (Nov. 2017) I continued studying TCM and Taoism (I am currently formally studying acupuncture) and I’ve been teaching the following:
- Regular classes of Qi Gong, Tai Chi and meditation, to open audiences, at hotels for tourists and 101 private sessions.
- Introductory workshops and multi-day courses of Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Taoist meditation.
- Intensive multi-day courses about Qi Gong and meditation, going deeper into Taoism and cosmology, spiritual background of the practices, TCM concepts, purpose of the practices, methods, requirements, and more.
- Workshops on Taoist medicine and acupressure, or Taoist medicine and soundhealing
It has been a challenge to promote the classes/teachings because the practices are barely known (especially in Latin America) …so a huge communication and advertising effort has been done on my part. The content of all these activities has been very well received and it has surprised most people. What I find the most challenging to teach is Tai Chi because it challenges the person much more, and most people are not up for that…(feeling clumsy, slow…)
Something important to note before going into the details about my experience and specifics, is that the temple is a controlled environment that conditions the outcomes of applying the practices and healing methods. Put in a simple way: it is like a laboratory. You have little or no noise, very few people, your mind is more present because you went there to live the experience and many of us are not connected to the internet while being there, or worried about paying our bills and what we’re going to eat, we have very little distractions, a structured and disciplined schedule, an energetically held space (the temple itself and Shifu’s presence), nature and beautiful landscapes around us, and so on. But when you’re back in society you’re pretty much back in Crazy Land…and then keeping your practice is a tremendous challenge for some, as well as holding the results of the healing methods. Realizing this brought to my process another arena for learning…[Note with respect to this: the time you spend at the temple and the depth of your experience (which is different for each student) conditions the outcome as well. Just as a reference: I spent 6 months in the temple and the whole experience took me to the depths of myself.]
My healing experience at the temple and after being back at home is a great example of this issue: I had the incredible gift to heal my body and my mind to an unimaginable extent …which is an invaluable gift for humanity: evidence that healing is possible (period), and healing through Taoist methods is possible. Before arriving to the temple, I was taking meds (for years), and suffering many disorders that according to western medicine were not possible to diagnose or on the contrary I was supposed to take medicine my whole life, to increase the doses more and more and just accept chronic illnesses. Before leaving the temple, I was able to give-up the western medicines and upon my return home my body was in great shape, the doctors here were amazed by the results. However, as I came back home I started to have some symptoms within a year and got sick again in two years…and not only that…new symptoms/disorders arose while I was still practicing intensively and studying…So…this brought highly valuable questions to the table:
What is healing?
What affects/influences your healing process?
What must I do not to lose the essence of the teachings in my daily life? What is truly essential in the first place?
What was missing or what were the limits of the teachings for them to be applied in the long term here in society?
This will be addressed as I go along with my story 🙂
First, my story, or my healing journey, must be understood and seen as a living process, of which the temple and Taoism is a part of, but not all of it. And I have come to understand the important role it has had in my journey and the piece of the puzzle it is in my life.
An important milestone in my journey was to realize that I no longer wanted to be a slave. I was highly workaholic, drown into the need to excel in what you do to be recognized, be someone in society, feel accomplished and so on, and the need to feed this character that simply is not what you are. This is what brought severe illnesses and disorders to my life, which were the triggers to decide to go to the temple, together with a spiritual calling obviously.
In 2016 I was fired of my last formal job (basically because I drew a limit not to give 300% of myself for the job anymore), which was a true blessing!!! The system itself literally kicked me out. And I am aware it was a response to my inner spiritual calling. I needed to be kicked out, otherwise it would have been more challenging to step-out. Once I was out my intense healing journey rocketed.
I started being more in nature, having more time for myself, to love and be loved. And I started to feel a bit better, which showed me that changing some patterns really have an effect on your mind and your body. I started working as a consultant – I got to manage my time and load of work better and I was well paid, so during 2016 and part of 2017 I saved all I could to go to the temple.
Around that time, I had three healing journeys with sacred plants. One with peyote (a cactus from the Mexican desert) and two with ayahuasca (a vine from the Amazon jungle). These experiences were so intense that would need dozens of pages to be lightly described- what was experienced through them that needs to be highlighted for the purpose of understanding the role of Taoism along my journey are the following statements:
- The Tao is all there is. The Tao is a void, a void that contains the whole. An apparent void that has been seemingly empty because we are closed to the truth. As we open ourselves to the truth of the Tao, this void is “filled” with eternal Love, Peace, Joy, bliss, an eternal state of being all of nature, all there is and ever will be. This can be EXTREMELY overwhelming and confusing for the human mind to experience even in microscopic doses (which is what happened to me)…Thus attaining the Tao is a gradual process, like climbing a ladder…There can be intense times of conflict in between states of awareness during the process.
- We are all One, apparent Yin and Yang aspects of life. But in truth there is only One state of things: Oneness, the Tao. Navigating life to return to that state of Oneness is the only purpose of the ten thousand things and our life on Earth (of our body, our senses, our mind, our relationships, our connection). Every other purpose is a distraction.
- There are higher and lower realms of life that are invisible to the human eye- yet they are there and shall not be denied or glossed over, on the contrary they should be acknowledged, managed and respected.
- Life on Earth is a literal projection of the One Mind. This is not a figurative statement. It is what is. Just as the Vedas call it: maya -other traditions call it illusion, dream. So it is simply not real. Our only reality is that of our nature as formless and eternal Tao, the rest is a seemingly real dream.
As you can see, the realizations that resulted from these mystical EXPERIENCES transcend the human mind and violate the rules of the world and common perception, they transcend time and space – I highlight the word ‘experience’ because the realization comes from an actual experience, not a mere intellectual understanding. This was my experience before getting in touch with any Taoist teaching whatsoever, yet it was highly aligned with what Taoism teaches in a way (attaining the Tao, the Tao that can be spoken of is not the real Tao, formless states and realms of existence, Oneness…guidance, connection with higher realms, Wu wei, simultaneity, simplicity, and so on). This is why my experience in the temple made all sense to me after these mystical experiences.
Basically, I was shown the unreality of the world in a VERY raw and unpleasant way to then be shown a way out. And I was shown the reality of our true nature as One being to trust there is a higher dimension of ourselves that cannot be understood, it can only be experienced and attained.
As mentioned, this realization took me years and serious mental hardships. At the time I arrived to the temple in June 2017 I mostly wanted to learn how to heal my body myself, and connect with my Spirit – obviously destiny had other plans and overcame my expectations by far.
UTMOST IMPORTANT NOTE! The outcomes of the experiences with sacred plants are HIGHLY variable from person to person, under any circumstances it should be understood or believed that this is what others will experience if taking them, there is simply no way. Each individual has its own path and must feel a sincere calling when taking them. This has to be very clear and it should be communicated as clearly- especially at times when people believe sacred plants will heal them and take them irresponsibly, in many cases not processing the experiences properly or even leading them to insanity. I must state as well that in spite of the overall positive aspects of my experiences with sacred plants I also went through panic attacks, psychotic breakouts, severe anxiety, severe depression and altered states of consciousness that I still experience some times (4 years later), due to the effect of taking the plants combined with following spiritual experiences. I see now that it all has been part of my healing and spiritual journey, but it has taken IMMENSE effort and inner strength not to lose my mind, and also great support and understanding of my family, friends and partners, to be back on track in my mind, in tune with my spirit, and somewhat functioning in society.
In the temple I learned about practices (Tai Chi, Qi Gong, meditation, alchemy) that harness the power of Qi (of the mind and the body) to achieve stillness and peaceful states, that not only help you to be healthy, but to me the most important aspect of them while living in society is that they allow you to experience inner peace and the vastness of your Spirit/true nature. This is such an invaluable gift while living in the crazy world we live in!!! This state of peace reminds you there is something beyond the craziness, a dimension of yourself that you have access to and allows you to recover your wisdom, intuition and to be inspired and guided in life. That is why my time of practice is a time of prayer!!! Through stillness and prayer, I have experienced the depth and presence of my Spirit. Without this we would be so lost! Without a compass! Beyond the health and wellbeing objectives these practices have, to practice in a state of prayer and surrender, opening the door to the presence of Peace and Love within me, has given shape and meaning to my life.
These practices also have provided a mind-training platform, and have helped me to understand the power of the mind and how insane we are. No wonder Shifu mentioned a few times: “It is all in the mind”. And “All the power rests in you”. And he used to ask us all the time: Who are you? Why are you here?
What can we achieve if our minds are not trained? How can we attain our power if we cannot discern who we really are from the limited character we believe we are?
I am the Spirit I experience during my practice and prayer. I am here to attain the Tao. (period)
And the practices are not the purpose, the purpose is the Tao. The practices are means, tools. That’s it. So useful to find balance and light in our minds.
To me the most powerful gifts from my experience in the temple and thus the practical experience of Taoism, are mostly formless and uncountable.
For example, the value of discipline. Without discipline the mind has no order, and without order craziness arises and you can spend your whole life running in loops like a hamster. Yet there are times when you have to find a way to order your mind but also not to be a slave of your own discipline. And this is the thing, we have to study and understand how our minds work, otherwise we become slaves of our beliefs, including the belief that if I don’t train or do things in a certain way I won’t be well, happy, healthy, connected to the Tao, and so on…which gives away your own power to be well, because you place it on a practice or in a structure…Again, the practices are means and tools to get in touch with our power, but they are not the purpose and should not be seen as such, otherwise the mind uses them to trap you. Discipline can take many forms and the form in the end is a personal choice, a step on the healing journey.
Another formless and uncountable gift has been the value of prayer. I shared with Shifu once that during my stay in the temple I was in prayer all the time. Asking and asking for help on the inside, to figure out what was going on with me, and he probably remembers that I offered incense everyday on every altar, even under the rain. At the time I wouldn’t have called it prayer because I had issues with that word due to its christian/catholic connotation. But by the end of my stay I remember that Shifu once told me that I was helped because I really managed to connect with a higher dimension, my higher self, inner teacher -it doesn’t matter how you call it…the key was to open myself and get in touch with my honest desire to communicate and align with the Source of all things. And this openness has been with me since and without it I don’t know what would have been of me. I pray all the time, especially in times of need. Prayer doesn’t have to take a specific form (a phrase, mantra, ritual), …the prayer comes from the heart. It is a simple ‘Here I am, I want to listen, I surrender, I drop it all’. The key question is: Are we ready to listen? Are we willing to drop it all?
Other gifts include: reverence, humility, surrender…
I shared with Shifu once that when I first got to the temple I used to ask myself: why do I bow in front of these statues that have no meaning to me? I had no particular issues following stepping protocols and placing incense in a certain way and so on but bowing was another thing…And I had the need to understand the rituals…and also the meaning of all the characters painted on the walls around the temple (I asked but Shifu didn’t explain…), and all about the scriptures (I also asked Shifu about this but he said I just had to sing and be there)…
I surrendered to the fact that I was there and that I decided to trust Shifu as a teacher before going to China…
One night I was in the Five Immortals altar and as I bowed in front of the statues, I felt the dense and light weight of the entire universe presence above, under, surrounding and holding everything…including me. There, to that you bow, you surrender. I found my place for an instant, not by understanding, by feeling. It was not about the statues, the teachers, or the temple…it was about the Tao!
One morning I was listening to the scriptures while Shifu was singing. During that period, I was struggling in my relationship with him and also with how my western mind couldn’t understand his ways…During the ceremony I felt a veil of perception falling down abruptly…and suddenly I was able to see him and all my brothers and sisters with a completely different light, without judgement. It was an incredible mystical experience…And then I understood what he meant when he said I just had to sing and be there, basically he said: don’t try to understand, just surrender to the experience and the gifts awaiting you, trust.
And these examples lead to more gifts: faith and trust. I had faith in the methods, the teachings, Shifu, the temple story…But one thing is to have faith (which is very important) and another is to trust. Shifu earned my trust, my brothers and sisters earned my trust. I had to learn to trust all of them and my own process as a whole, trust myself. This is empowerment. Learning to trust by doing and practicing is walking the talk, not talking the talk.
I had to face many fears and challenges, through training (I had never trained 8 hr of Tai Chi per day in my entire life, for example), not understanding the language and not being able to communicate directly with Shifu, not understanding Shifu many times, not understanding myself many more times, going through anxiety and panic episodes, quitting my western medicine treatment, and so on…Facing all these fears was so necessary and useful, and now this dynamic is part of my life: I no longer run away from fear, I face it.
Interacting with my temple’s brothers and sisters I also understood and realized that we are all in a healing journey, we face exactly the same fears and very similar wounds…and we have exactly the same power of decision to heal…And that the power of joining in prayer is infinite! Which is also another way of realizing that we are One.
Throughout my journey during and after the temple I have learned to experience gratitude as a pillar and as a reminder of what life is about. When you get lost you can always go back to gratitude as a lighthouse that points the way.
Over time I have come to the realization as well that healing has a different meaning than it did when I went to the temple. As mentioned, I was very focused on the body and emotions back then. Now, to me, healing has much more to do with a state of mind or a state of being. It is meaningless to have a healthy body while you live in states of anxiety and stress…and it has all the meaning to perhaps have cancer and go through the experience in peace- it doesn’t mean that you do nothing because you are in peace, it means you do what needs to be done in a mental state of peace. Strengthening or harnessing your state of peace is healing. And peace can only come from your Spirit, not from anything external. There are external things (practices, methods) that can help, but they will always be temporary and limited, while the Peace that can be accessed through the Spirit is eternal.
That is why I highlight this aspect as the greatest value of the practices I learned in the temple, Peace does not come from the practice itself but from giving yourself the time and space to allow Peace to be and flourish in yourself, and thus show you the way. This is the essence of prayer. And this is the essence of healing.
I know this sounds very cheesy and new age, but I believe not a single person that walks a serious spiritual path can deny that it is true. However, the formula needs something else…because even practicing Qi Gong or Tai Chi everyday our crazy minds betray us, our thoughts create negative emotions, these develop illnesses and our bodies get sick…
Plus, this world is insane. When I returned from the temple I seriously struggled to be back in society for a year, I felt this world didn’t make any sense and all I wanted was to go back to the temple…Then Shifu told me that it wasn’t my time so I stayed here finding my way…And still struggled for at least a couple more years…
I started sharing what I had learned months after I returned from the temple. Through my own practice and teaching I realized I had to do something else. The pressure here is too high and the practices and the teachings -as given- were not enough. I knew I had to work more at the level of the mind and studying and understanding how the mind works overall…because how my mind works is how everybody’s minds work…and understanding myself in this sense can help me understand others and thus the world.
Therefore, to me the focus of the teachings should be more on the mind. And that is why Shifu used to say over and over and over again that we need to “change our thoughts”. It does not mean we don’t have to take care of our bodies, but our greatest focus should be placed on healing the mind because the thoughts come from the mind thus it is the cause of unbalance…That’s why he also used to say that “our mind is our needle”!
I remember that the first times I heard Shifu say we had to change our thoughts I thought: “great, but how?” Like: “I hate my neighbor”. So, I decide to change that thought and suddenly I don’t hate him anymore? No, that’s not how it works. Replacing one thought with another or making empty statements does nothing. I also remember that when I started to practice Qi Gong and meditation so thoroughly I thought: this is not a crazy monkey mind, we’re talking about a crazy monkey herd! From where is this mental garbage coming from??? What is this darkness??? And most importantly: What do I do with it??? How do I manage it???
What’s the use of hearing I have to cultivate Guanyin’s compassion or that I have to be inclusive if when I’m just a little quiet all this darkness comes out! And when I am not quiet it not only aggravates but it turns into negative behaviors! By changing my behavior my mind will change? Not necessarily…I can learn to suppress instincts and desires, but it doesn’t mean they are not there! Like Shifu would say: “You can’t run away from your thoughts!”.
The key is, like I mentioned earlier, to understand and train the mind. So, after the temple experience I started studying and practicing a different spiritual path that trains the mind, and trains you to stay consciously connected to Spirit. It is called A Course in Miracles. This non-dual path -similar to Advaita Vedanta in content, not in form- reveals incredibly deep metaphysical aspects of life and how to practically apply them. With respect to the mind, it basically teaches you to understand that within your mind there are two voices, coming from two different “teachers”: the ego-mind and the spiritual-mind. The ego-mind is based on fear. The spiritual-mind is based on peace. All suffering, conflict and darkness comes from the ego-mind. So, I realized this is the deepest meaning of what Shifu shared with us: to change your thoughts does not mean to change the thought per se, it means to change the teacher you choose to listen to! But learning to choose and how to discern between the two voices is a huge challenge because our choosing is very unconscious. And learning to observe the darkness coming from the ego without judgement, guilt and fear is a skill hard to acquire and requires a very intensive practice and guidance, because we are influenced by our mind’s voices all day long, 24/7! So we are talking about serious practice!
This is why when I teach Qi Gong and meditation to students that want to go deeper into the practice and themselves, I introduce them to these aspects of the mind and I teach them how to observe this and deal with it. Otherwise you may meditate for hours but then you’re back at work and all the darkness comes out and you treat others or yourself terribly…what has been the use of meditating then??? Or, when you say to yourself: I should be more compassionate, more inclusive, more loving, and so on and so forth…and you feel guilty realizing you’re not all of this or not to the extent you would like to…? Again, what has been the point of meditating? If these feelings and circumstances happen over and over again then there must be something to be done beyond learning to find stillness. Knowing or understanding precepts of how you should behave and how you should be is not of enough help.
On the contrary, practicing meditation, Qi Gong, Tai Chi in a state of prayer and surrender, learning to watch your mind/thoughts all day long not just during the time you practice, and learning to undo and bring light to all this darkness in a state of heightened awareness, makes all the difference to me. Awareness, relentless practice of honestly observing your ego-mind in action without judgment and calling for help from higher realms of understanding, undo the darkness of the ego, and brings you back to a state of light, from where life and all your interactions can change. I’m talking about at internal change- not about manifesting or seeking to change the world on the outside for you to be happy, otherwise again you place your joy outside of you, at the mercy of circumstances. Denying or pretending that darkness isn’t there, or feeling guilty about it and wanting badly to change but being unable to, or just living in darkness, are the greatest illnesses of society.
As mentioned at the beginning, the temple is a controlled environment, there are challenges and bitterness to face, but there is very little noise/distraction and we can harness the power of our minds more easily. It is necessary to have an oasis of nature that we can turn to, yet the challenge is to cultivate your connection with your spirit -your inner oasis!- regardless of where you are physically and what is happening around you (it does not mean you become indifferent, it means you are there in a state of Presence). Shifu says: “a small refuge is found in the mountain, but a great refuge is found in the city”…Society can be very harsh, and we must manage to find peace within no matter what we go through here, and that can only be achieved through our own will, determination of training our minds and undoing the ego-mind (source of suffering), and definitely cultivating our conscious connection to higher realms of ourselves! As Jesus would say: “The Kingdom is within!” or “I am the truth, the way and the life”- he meant ‘I’ as the state of Presence, not I as a character, so we are all the truth, the way and the life – all awaiting within.
All I learned in the temple, the discipline, the practices and the teachings, prepared me to be ready for the Course in Miracle’s teachings and the main practice I do now: watch my thoughts 24/7, realize when I am out of balance or in ego-mind mode, acknowledge honestly what is at the moment, observe it without judgement, guilt of fear, trusting fully I am undoing the ego bringing light to every corner of my mind, and calling wholeheartedly for the help of my own spirit to find the way to heal my confusion and conflict within. This doesn’t mean I don’t take any medicines anymore, or that I don’t go to any therapy or that I don’t practice anything, it means that this practice enhances other practices/treatments, and it also means I trust the healing power and guidance of my inner teacher above all and thus I give it its place.
I still practice Qi Gong, Tai Chi and meditation very often, and I teach practically every day of the week. Sometimes I also sing the five-healing tone song, use acupressure in myself or with my family, listen to the scriptures and the Heavenly tunes. There is not a single time I practice that I don’t feel grateful to have learned all these practices. And there is not a single time I teach that I don’t feel grateful and joyous to share them – even more when I get so many beautiful messages from students that have great experiences or see their quality of life improve through the practice and the teaching style I have found to be inspiring, productive and useful. The practices have many layers of experience when done in prayer, and I can only hope for others to experience what I have -or more- through sharing them.
Over time I have learned to hand over my own practice and the sharing opportunities I have to Spirit- the spirit we all are and share. Only the spirit knows how to provide what is needed. I trust the practice/teaching/experience/offering goes beyond me and what I know or understand. When I hand over the class or the course I give, I feel it happens through me – literally. Sometimes I’m not in the mood, I’m having a bad day or I’m simply very tired, and in this moment is when I practice even more handing over the teaching opportunity. Learning to observe how the teaching unfolds in front of your eyes effortlessly has been a whole journey, not easy at times because the ego-mind gets on the way when teaching sometimes, that’s why this has brought so much light to my own self-discovery process as well…And when I was not in the mental space to share, but I hand over and trust, and by the end of the experience I find immense peace and a smile on my face, I understand the greatest purpose of it all.
To close, there are a few more aspects I would like to bring to the table from my experience in the temple…
…Living in the temple as an austere and quiet environment had a great influence on me. It brought a necessary perspective about what is really necessary to live. I had experienced survival courses in harsh conditions before and I have done multi-day trekking trips in isolated mountains but this was different. It was a serious undoing and changed many things…I couldn’t sleep in a soft mattress any more, for example, I had to change mine to a super firm one (which my mother calls the brick!). After I came back it took me around 9 months to feel like wearing a dress…it was not self-imposed, it is how I felt naturally. I was happy in my temple pants and a shirt, and without showering every day here at home. I still feel strange wearing earrings sometimes for example. Or, I didn’t wear any black clothes for 4 years (still very very rarely do – don’t ask me why). It’s just a symbolic way to express what the experience washed away…the identification with a certain identity. Now I feel easily overdressed, still happy wearing a simple dress but I no longer identify with it…I know it is meaningless and I could easily go back to have a simple life with a shirt and pants, yet I don’t feel identified neither with a self-imposed ascetic life-style nor a life full of dresses. I’m just me as I feel where ever I am, and that’s it.
…I believe some teachings need some perspective when shared with westerners in order to be understood in their context. For example (just as an example), having three sets of clothes in the west to follow the requirement of being a proper Taoist does not make sense for us living here- unless you’re a hippie living alone in a cabin or a community. You need to look neat all the time or you can’t go to work and build trust if you’re a doctor or a lawyer for example, or even a teacher like me. I know this may sound obvious but it may not be for many! And like this example there are a few that may apply for renunciant monks living in a mountain but not to regular men and women living in society where other rules apply and are more related to common sense, not necessarily to comfort. I know most teachers were not enlightened in 5-star hotels, however I believe enlightenment has more to do with our disidentification with our human character than with acquiring certain behaviors or abiding by specific rules- which by the end you must leave behind as well in order to climb the mountain, as Shifu would say. Just as an example, I don’t think Jesus was as ascetic because he imposed himself the rule of being ascetic…I think he was ascetic because truly he no longer identified himself as a common man having to live a certain life or playing a certain character…He had already crossed the door. What could a being that is One with the Source need? So, what is the teaching? To self-impose ascetism or bitterness, or to work on undoing your identification with your ego-character wherever you are (east or west), and being in peace as you are and how things are regardless of the number of clothes you have or how bitter your life is?
Still, along these lines, getting rid of distractions (commonly found here in society, anchored in the ego-mind!), excessive desires and addictions -basically having a simple life- definitely helps you to be more focused on cultivating your presence, clearing the obstacles on your way up the mountain.
…Learning from Shifu…Having the chance to interact directly with him has been priceless. He is not just a teacher, he is a high priest that has learned the old ways and has demonstrated a high virtue honoring his lineages- this is a fact, and not easily found elsewhere. His presence and power are hard to describe, as well as his spark and also strong character, including his temper. Learning to see him as a human being and not wanting him to fit into an unreal and idealized model of how a spiritual and healing teacher should look like, was so important to me. I know he sees beyond what the human eye is capable of and he knows things we can barely understand, and I trust that. And at some point during my healing journey I trusted him to cross the river with me and he taught me what I was seeking at the time, and the way he did it was perfect. He challenged me strongly, to flourish and find myself. His personal story and our healing journey together are of great inspiration to others. Every time I share with others I realize how he really shares a message that goes deeper in you as you go along on your own journey.
One of the messages or key teachings I like from him is: “The stinkiest thing you can do is to rely solely on external medicine and not train to get better”.
It is hard to say what methods did the most to help me heal during my stay at the temple because I did all that Shifu asked me to do and more. From Qi Gong and meditation every day as everyone else, to taking herbal formulas (collecting and preparing the herbs myself), reciting scriptures, reciting numbers for 4 hr every day for several days, playing music (drum and monochord), listening to the Heavenly Tunes for two hours many nights, singing the five healing tones, practicing Tai Chi, attending ceremonies, dealing and negotiating with external energy fields, collective meditations, keeping a vegetarian diet, and more…And to this “formula” all the more formless aspects must be added as mentioned: discipline, prayer-connection, surrender, faith, trust, etc.… It all played its part.
Something important I must state as well is that when I went to the temple I had a strong belief around allopathic or western medicine being negative or harmful…A belief that was in a way enhanced after being in the temple and having been able to heal myself temporarily with natural methods. Western medicine can be harmful, but I have learned over time that it definitely has its place, it took me time to understand this. Being married to the idea of healing yourself by “natural” means is being identified with a “more naturopath character”, and in the end is just a character…This marriage can keep you in very dark places sometimes…I have suffered a great deal because of my reluctance for taking any allopathic meds…I think now that not taking them has been an unconscious punishment at times…and it is something I wouldn’t do now. It’s not that I take a pill every moment I have a headache, I actually very barely do, but sometimes we need help from different sources at different times- a mixed or balanced approach…and it’s just part of the process as well and there’s nothing wrong about it, as long as you continue doing your inner work and train to get better, just as Shifu says. Making peace with western medicine, being aware of its limitations, as well as the limitations of natural medicine, has been very important in my process too, for example, when dealing with dengue fever or very severe COVID myself during the past years.
Here in the west – and in general as humans, we want a quick fix healing formula that fits us all, and simply there isn’t. There’s only trial and error, practice and trusting your knowledge, your instinct and your process…Healing and awakening is a life journey.
The undoing that started with the sacred plants and was enhanced by the temple experience plus the Course in Miracle’s non-dual teachings has changed my life completely, and is still transforming it. I no longer work as an environmental consultant (as I did before going to the temple – my interest and motivation around it has been washed away completely), at the moment I only teach Taoist arts as a job, which is quite challenging in financial terms…And I still believe I’m a somewhat crazy human. But I navigate my life using all the tools I have at hand, learning every day. I’m certain I’m finding my way in this world and I’m open to new inspirations…for the mystery of life to unfold.
From all the practical takeaways, I would perhaps highlight one moment in my life that was very challenging.
A seriously depressive state during 2019, two years after returning from the temple. I was living in the depths of Mordor but I was aware that dying was not the way to scape from that state…it was a mental state and thus I had to find my way within the mind…So I put in practice all I knew, including Qi Gong, meditation, Tai Chi, Course in Miracles teachings and intense prayer…I came out of that state without external medicine…It took so much strength and faith…And my gift is to know that such power lives in me, that it is what I am. Whenever I find myself in dark or low places I remind myself…This is important because it’s not something inspiring I read somewhere, it is part of my personal story…And when I remember who I am and what I’m capable of something switches and I feel back on track, on my path again, not on crooked paths, as Shifu would say.
Let’s see what experiences lay ahead for me and the many ways all I have learned so far transform for the best…
The path is right under your feet, Shifu says all the time.
And…All the power rests in you…
…The power to choose Spirit.
I send loads of colors and beauty all the way to Shifu and everyone in Bai Ma Shan 🙂
The beauty of creation has been my healer as well…
