I know it’s time to write to you when I start talking to you in my head…

A year has passed since I came back from the temple, and six months have passed since I wrote you a letter.

It was Nov 17th when the exact year passed, and that day I was giving an Intensive Qi Gong course. It was a great experience, all of it, I started preparing it many months ago, letting my own experience and view of the practice sit on me. As part of its preparation I took a plunge into Daoism studies and now I understand much better all the content I learned at the temple. However, I’m glad I got to feel the practice before knowing too much about its theory. It’s like the time when I kept asking you details about the scriptures and you kept answering I just had to sing…I remember I felt a bit angry and frustrated getting that simple answer. But when I felt the power of the scriptures I understood, and I didn’t feel the urge to ask you again, the message my heart got was more than enough (at the time, now I want to know more!). And the same has happened with Qi Gong, Tai Ji and meditation.

The more you practice the more you understand, not with your mind, but with your entire being.

This morning I was doing my Qi Gong and it was the most beautiful day of practice until now. I simply became the wind, I was a tree, I was the soil, the blue sky and the brightness of the sun….But not like I was tripped out…I was there, fully present, not thinking, breathing very very slowly, almost without feeling the breath, letting my body just flow doing the movements completely in peace, as if I was dancing with nature, being one with nature. And I’ve come to understand at a deeper level that that’s exactly the purpose of the practice, of all the practices, to return to the Oneness, to the Dao. I felt so much peace and gratitude, plenitude, from the inside -out and from the outside- in. Then I did the Tai Ji form and besides feeling I’m water (as every morning) I felt the strength and the power of my body, really beautiful. There’s not a single day that I practice Tai Ji that I don’t feel joy and gratitude.

I’ve been through different phases this year. As I shared with you previously, during the first months back home I felt I couldn’t land, I was somewhere in space strongly refusing to return. With regard to my practice I was diligently practicing intensively every day, for around 6 hours, all of it (QiGong, Tai Ji, incantations, meditation, singing…), to a point where I even felt as a slave of my practice…But I realized that that wasn’t it, I didn’t want to decrease the intensity of my practice because I was afraid of getting sick again…And there, from that fear in the darkness, the light came through. I was not a slave of my practice, I was a slave of my fear. Fear comes from the ego-mind…and if that fear, related to your past, your wounds, your disease, sits on your mind then all of it does…thus all the power to heal and just be unbelievable beings rests within us, in our mind, heart and mostly our Spirit. So I had to put some order, align my mind with my heart and my Spirit, and trust. So I did. I believe fear is the greatest barrier of all…

I’ve continued practicing a lot, but less intensively as this Nintendo reality entails earning a wage to live…in spite of living a quite austere life.

By that time I started teaching QiGong, Tai Ji and meditation, and it has been a journey, I’ve put a lot of effort and my heart in it. The good thing is that I haven’t let my ego get so involved there, but I must say I’ve felt discouraged at times…However, today during my wonderful QiGong practice a lesson that I’ve been digesting finally got to its point: it doesn’t matter how many people you help, how many people gets it…as it’s not up to you, you must trust their own path, you simply cannot force it, you’re just there to be a lighthouse when the time is right for them, regardless of the level of your own understanding, as many teachings sometimes don’t even come from you. You have to do your part right: teach from the heart, from your own experience, open up, connect with people’s heart and learn from each opportunity you have, without judgment, and make yourself somewhat visible too (I still live mostly in my cave, this way only the birds outside my window know I can teach something valuable…so I’ve made an effort to be “out there”). I’ve been surprised by how the classes have turned out, I’ve seen my students cry, smile from within, feel peace, I can see it. I feel how their energy moves and transforms as they practice, and they manifest it clearly too…And every time we come across each other I hope a ray of light shows them the way.

Teaching has entailed a great investment in terms of money, time and effort…I have learned many lessons from it and I know there’s much more to learn…I must say it has been somewhat difficult to pair the teaching path with earning a proper wage that allows you to live austerely and save to eventually invest in buying a land to create a longevity center or just to go back to the temple and continue cultivating…but I have faith everything will flow accordingly. Step by step.

I’m still far away from recovering any past- or acquiring a new particular- desire aside from wishing the wellbeing of my family…the reset effect of the temple is fully on. I also still feel an acute resistance towards being part of this world, like an alien in this reality of illusion, playing its rules…I also know my path is right under my feet as you said it but I still don’t see it so clearly…I feel quite overwhelmed at times…but I try to manage these unsettling feelings trusting my Spirit and using the tools I’ve learned so far. It isn’t easy sometimes, my mind can be very destructive if I let it, but I usually manage it and carry on to find the beauty of life in this society as you told me before I left.

A few weeks ago I got dengue fever (caused by a mosquito, similar to malaria but works differently), it was the third time I got it and each time gets more dangerous, many people dies from it as basically you must fight back with your own strength. At some point, just for a few moments, I feared for my life. The first night I got the fever the headache was unbearable…in that pain there was a voice talking to me, strongly and clearly, telling me that I had all the power to stop it, that it would only take a second…It felt like in an endless battle in loop, listening to the same message but with different words, and answering to this voice in my head, not necessarily with words but actually making healing statements and trying different formulas and such as I know this voice is right…It was very frustrating and absolutely crazy…I tried meditating several times but as soon as I sat down and closed my eyes for a bit I started tripping out, similar to ayahuasca, with no filter to the universe…It was very scary, so I stopped trying. After several days the Dr. told me I got to a point where even though I wasn’t feeling that bad anymore still my blood tests showed dangerous low levels and that I may have to go to the hospital and be “treated” there. Of course I didn’t allow that to happen, I went to my altar, made a clear statement to myself and the universe that that was it, I strongly pictured and felt myself healthy and full of vitality as a way of praying, with dizziness and all I recited the 8 incantations and Lingguan Zhou by heart, and started recovering quickly. I learned a lot from the experience…

Right after I recovered from it I felt just like when I returned from the temple, as if I went through a complete and deep reset…I felt I didn’t want to be here, lost, with no purpose in life…It’s incredible how a virus can do this to you. Now I see it was a gift and I still have to distill lessons from it…

After the dengue I went through a phase of less intensive practice and lots of stress. Immediately I saw how my monkey mind started to be out of control and negative emotions and reactions arouse…With this distance, I saw more clearly that the practices are very simple but meaningful tools to access your true self, which isn’t that fear, anger, resentment…it’s pure love and light. The practices aren’t your path, the practices are a mean, a bridge or a ladder.

In the end (at least in our level of cultivation in society), regardless of the method, you must access your true self and live this life from there, as much as you can. It doesn’t matter if you forget who you are at times, or if your mind plays tricks on you, or if you haven’t trained for a while…you can always go back to your Spirit, use your precious tools, being determined to use the power of your will…every second we can choose again how to live this life.

I’ve been complementing my Daoist practices with the Course in Miracles, and it’s such a precious gift too. I recognize your words in the words of Jesus so often…I chose this path, to be supported by your teachings and Jesus’. I thank you, I thank Jesus, my Spirit and all my beloved and not so beloved ones for all I’ve learned and experienced so far.

In spite of having many things to work on still, I feel I’ve grown tremendously this year, I’m standing in a different ground, I feel better than ever, my body responds to my mind and my Spirit, as it must be. Just being completely aware of this is a great achievement for me. I haven’t had a single anxiety attack since I came back after 20 years of suffering from it…During this year I didn’t get sick once, whenever I felt any symptom of a potential disorder I took care of it meditating, not taking western medicine, until dengue (the only exception). I’m still working on my wrist, the fracture was a whole experience as well… I’m sure the sword course will help to recover mobility.

I see myself in perspective, compared to who I was back in the temple and I see a child fighting against disease, pain and demons…Now it’s time for another fight, and I wouldn’t call it a fight anymore, but a process of remembrance and rediscovery, letting go resistance and this sense of separation from our true nature or the Dao…

A COURSE IN MIRACLES- FEW SELECTED QUOTES FOR LI SHIFU

Chapter 2: The separation and the atonement

I have already said that miracles are expressions of miracle-mindedness, and miracle-mindedness means right-mindedness. The right-minded neither exalt nor depreciate the mind of the miracle worker or the miracle receiver. However, as a correction, the miracle need not await the right-mindedness of the receiver. In fact, its purpose is to restore him to his right mind. It is essential, however, that the miracle worker be in his right mind, however briefly, or he will be unable to re-establish right-mindedness in someone else.

The healer who relies on his own readiness is endangering his understanding. You are perfectly safe as long as you are completely unconcerned about your readiness, but maintain a consistent trust in mine. If your miracle working inclinations are not functioning properly, it is always because fear has intruded on your right-mindedness and has turned it upside down. All forms of not-right-mindedness are the result of refusal to accept the Atonement for yourself. If you do accept it, you are in a position to recognize that those who need healing are simply those who have not realized that right-mindedness is healing.

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[…] Only the mind is capable of illumination. The Spirit is already illuminated and the body in itself is too dense. The mind, however, can bring its illumination to the body by recognizing that it is not the learner, and is therefore un-amenable to learning. The body is, however, easily brought into alignment with a mind that has learned to look beyond it toward the light.

Chapter 3: The innocent perception

The mind can make the belief in separation [of us separated from the Dao, of us being separate entities –opposed to Oneness, of us being a separate Spirit, Mind and Body] very real and very fearful, and this belief is the “devil.” It is powerful, active, destructive and clearly in opposition to God, because it literally denies His Fatherhood. Look at your life and see what the devil has made. But realize that this making will surely dissolve in the light of truth, because its foundation is a lie. Your creation by God is the only Foundation that cannot be shaken, because the light is in it. Your starting point is truth, and you must return to your Beginning. [RETURN TO THE DAO!]

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Much has been seen since then, but nothing has really happened. Your Self is still in peace, even though your mind is in conflict. You have not yet gone back far enough, and that is why you become so fearful. As you approach the Beginning, you feel the fear of the destruction of your thought system upon you as if it were the fear of death. There is no death, but there is a belief in death.

Chapter 4: The illusions of the Ego

Teaching and learning are your greatest strengths now, because they enable you to change your mind and help others to change theirs. Refusing to change your mind will not prove that the separation has not occurred. The dreamer who doubts the reality of his dream while he is still dreaming is not really healing his split mind. You dream of a separated ego and believe in a world that rests upon it. This is very real to you. You cannot undo it by not changing your mind about it. If you are willing to renounce the role of guardian of your thought system and open it to me, I will correct it very gently and lead you back to God.

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Every good teacher hopes to give his students so much of his own learning that they will one day no longer need him. This is the one true goal of the teacher. It is impossible to convince the ego of this, because it goes against all of its own laws. But remember that laws are set up to protect the continuity of the system in which the lawmaker believes. It is natural for the ego to try to protect itself once you have made it, but it is not natural for you to want to obey its laws unless you believe them. The ego cannot make this choice because of the nature of its origin. You can, because of the nature of yours.

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The reason you need my help is because you have denied your own guide and therefore need guidance. My role is to separate the true from the false, so truth can break through the barriers the ego has set up and can shine into your mind. Against our united strength the ego cannot prevail.

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It is surely apparent by now why the ego regards the Spirit as its “enemy.” The ego arose from the separation, and its continued existence depends on your continuing belief in the separation. The ego must offer you some sort of reward for maintaining this belief. All it can offer is a sense of temporary existence, which begins with its own beginning and ends with its own ending. It tells you this life is your existence because it is its own. Against this sense of temporary existence the Spirit offers you the knowledge of permanence and unshakable being. No one who has experienced the revelation of this can ever fully believe in the ego again.

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…Love will enter immediately into any mind that truly wants it, but it must want it truly. This means that it wants it without ambivalence, and this kind of wanting is wholly without the ego’s “drive to get.”

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There is a kind of experience so different from anything the ego can offer that you will never want to cover or hide it again. It is necessary to repeat that your belief in darkness and hiding is why the light cannot enter. The Bible gives many references to the immeasurable gifts which are for you, but for which you must ask. This is not a condition as the ego sets conditions. It is the glorious condition of what you are.

No force except your own will is strong enough or worthy enough to guide you. In this you are as free as God, and must remain so forever. Let us ask the Father in my name to keep you mindful of his Love for you and yours for Him. He has never failed to answer this request, because it asks only for what He has already willed. Those who call truly are always answered.

Chapter 8: The journey back

Healing does not come from anyone else. You must accept guidance from within. The guidance must be what you want, or it will be meaninglessto you. That is why healing is a collaborative venture. I can tell you what to do, but you must collaborate by believing that I know what you should do. Only then will your mind choose to follow me. Without this choice you could not be healed because you would have decided against healing, and this rejection of my decision for you makes healing impossible.

Healing reflects our joint will. This is obvious when you consider what healing is for. Healing is the way in which the separation is overcome.

Separation is overcome by union. It cannot be overcome by separating. The decision to unite must be unequivocal, or the mind itself is divided and not whole. Your mind is the means by which you determine your own condition, because mind is the mechanism of decision. It is the power by which you separate or join, and experience pain or joy accordingly. My decision cannot overcome yours, because yours is as powerful as mine. If it were not so the Sons of God would be unequal. All things are posible through our joint decision, but mine alone cannot help you. Your will is as free as mine, and God himself would not go against it. I cannot will what God does not will. I can offer my strength to make yours invincible, but I cannot oppose your decision without competing with it and thereby violating God’s Will for you.

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If you want to be like me I will help you, knowing that we are alike. If you want to be different, I will wait until you change your mind. I can teach you, but only you can choose to listen to my teaching. How else can it be, if God’s Kingdom is freedom? Freedom cannot be learned by tyranny of any kind, and the perfect equality of all God’s Sons cannot be recognized through the dominion of one mind over another. God’s Sons are equal in will, all being the Will of their Father. This is the only lesson I came to teach.

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Chapter 10: The idols of sickness

Arrogance is the denial of love, because love shares and arrogance withholds. As long as both appear to you to be desirable the concept of choice, which is not of God, will remain with you. While this is not true in eternity it is true in time, so that while time lasts in your mind there will be choices. Time itself is your choice. If you would remember eternity, you must look only on the eternal. If you allow yourself to become preoccupied with the temporal, you are living in time. As always, your choice is determined by what you value. Time and eternity cannot both be real, because they contradict each other. If you will accept only what is timeless as real, you will begin to understand eternity and make it yours.