28 Mayo 2018
Dear Maestro,
Six months have passed since I left the temple. To me it feels like I arrived a few days ago. It is like my skin and bones sack has been here but feeling completely disconnected to this reality on the inside. I resisted to return, thus I’ve stayed in an ethereal space… The only thing that helped me to feel grounded to this Earth for moments have been the sea and the clouds.
The day you read my hexagram, I remember clearly you said that I had a direction and whenever I came up with a plan I should share it with you. And here I am. As I read my notes on the conversations we had, I remember how many messages seemed to be in code… Now everything is much clearer.
Since I came back I feel as if I’m wearing some sort of magnifying glasses that allow me to see and understand everything way more deeply than before. Still I know there is much, much more. One of the most important skills developed by “wearing this glasses” is the ability to better discern between what is important and what is not, what is created by our egos and what is not, what deserves our energy investment and what doesn’t. This skill disintegrates this “Nintendo” reality so strongly that it has been very challenging to manage both mentally and emotionally. However, as my disconnection from the Nintendo has remained, my connection to my self has grown, my connection to our teachers, my confidence, but it hasn’t been easy, terrifying tests have come along. Sometimes I simply think I’m going crazy, but I continue moving forward. Some nights I’ve taken refuge in the temple’s main altar to meditate and reconnect with the power of our masters and the teachings of the universe, you may have seen me there perhaps…
I still see the temple as a portal, like a special stop in the ladder between this reality and Heaven. If I concentrate, I can go back there, tears come out sometimes as I reconnect with the feeling of openness and gratitude I had, and with the certainty of what I was doing there. I can smell the humidity, the forest, the altars… All of it. I can bow in front of the masters. I remember the night I left, I literally felt I was coming down from the clouds. I remember the senior students’ presence and yours even when you were asleep.
I’ve been training a lot and living a very quiet and austere life, consolidating my healing process and taking care of myself as you instructed. I’ve been in my cave studying or in nature practicing for the most part. The day I received my lab tests confirming my healing I cried of extreme happiness! I feel much, much better of everything. Still, I’ve continued practicing intensively. I do my Qi Gong at sunrise, I recite 9 of the incantations (by heart and in a single breath), sing the 5-tone healing song and meditate, all of them every day. I’ve also trained longevity Qi Gong, Ji Ben Gong and Tai Ji 3 to 4 days a week (except after my wrist fracture). I usually practice at the sea or at a jungle patch with Mayan ruins next to the sea, very beautiful and inspiring, full of color and curious animals that stare at me sometimes (who knows what they can see!), ancient trees and bright morning dew. All my practice brings me so much joy and wellbeing, besides obvious healing. The incantations and the 5-tone song are magical, their power is incredible. They have helped me very much. I completed the 49 days of Qi Gong healing (!!!). And I also erected a beautiful altar at home as you suggested. I offer incense everyday while I practice. I’ve been singing the scriptures also during the moons! See? I’m very diligent! 😉
Since I returned from the temple I feel extremely sensitive towards noise, light, people, and non-sense in general… which motivates my isolation (I was like this already but now is more acute). My Mom says I’m like a hermit in a cave… (at least now I shower more often because of the temperatures). She worries that I will end up living alone with 9 cats in some forest… I told her: if that’s my destiny, so be it! But I know I must get out of my cave, how to help and experience otherwise? Sometimes I just want to go live in the jungle, grow my own bananas, study and practice in nature and live in peace. I hope to find the middle way in the near future.
After months of feeling somewhat lost in this world now I feel everything is falling into place. Breaking my wrist triggered a big change. It pushed me to cherish my body and this life opportunity much more consciously. Also, just when it happened it was like: ok, it is time. I feel the call to be a teacher. My purpose is to help people to connect with their divinity. Doing anything else feels simply meaningless. I know this path can take many shapes, and the help can take many forms… but I’m not concerned about the details now. I hope I got it right, the path under my feet, as you said. I know there’s much more to learn but I must start sharing, developing my teaching skills through experience, learn from my students as I continue studying and cultivating myself. I want to begin this path giving Qi Gong and meditation courses, and perhaps Tai Ji.
For months I’ve felt very reluctant to work as a consultant again (seems meaningless in spite of being for nature conservation purposes), but I’m opening myself to do it for now in order to survive, to learn Chinese and to save $ to go back to the temple. I also think this job is a good platform to test what I’ve learned and my will. I’ll be my own guinea pig and this will help me to wrap the teachings properly for their effective transmission in this Nintendo society.
The latter is a big challenge. People are so disconnected from within, there’s so much fear and resistance… most cannot even sit to breathe 15 minutes in silence… most don’t even speak our language… and the environment is quite unfriendly. But I shall find the way to inspire others and connect with their hearts. I must share from my own healing experience and love for what I have come to understand so far.
This is not a proper plan, but at least the intention is clear. My spirit will guide me as everything unfolds.
Today is a great day. After I broke my wrist I had a very severe back contraction, like in the temple but worse. In spite of my efforts, it took me a few days to be able to stand straight and without pain, and even this morning I was still a bit crooked… But, a couple of days ago my cast was removed!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 And today – with my stiff arm – I finally did the Water Tai Ji form after many weeks of “disability”. With just one round my entire body cracked and my back became straight, I felt it was magically pulled up and my wrist acquired more mobility so naturally, as if it was dancing in water. I continued practicing and felt very, very happy and grateful. So, today I re-launched my training; I finished the translation of the website to Spanish, and started learning a new mantra (I will continue learning and translating them little by little)…Today I also felt my connection to my jungle. Finally, I landed.
I wish to go back to the temple and continue to learn and share more with all of you. Hopefully speaking some Chinese!
Blessings, gratitude and cosmic hugs to you, our masters and all my brothers and sisters in Bai Ma Shan.
Cheng Ya.
